This time of year has always had significance for me. I love the leaves changing colour, I loved guising as a kid, all the little rituals and games, carving neeps (seriously, pumpkins are too easy!), dooking for apples, all the weird little games. As I become more aware of my spiritual side, it became a time of year to remember the dead too – relatives and friends who aren’t with us any more. Gatherings ended up passing around whisky, and talking about people we’d loved.
Then, six years ago, my father died. It wasn’t a bad death – we’d had the time we needed to connect, and it was peaceful. I was so busy looking after my mother, sorting things out so she didn’t need to, etc – it didn’t really sink in for me till months later. Seems I often do that – when things happen, I just get on with coping – the feelings catch up with me later.
Over the years, I’ve quietly remembered him at Halloween – and always made sure I was close to my mum, so she didn’t feel so alone. This year, I’m 5000 miles from home, and while my thoughts are full of my father and all those events of six years ago, it’s my mother I’m missing.
The spectre of cancer has never gone away, either. My dad, then Sarah, then my mum, then my mum again, friends, friends of friends, other family members. It’s one of the things that pushed me to do this job, at least in some way I’m contributing. Wish I’d done so much earlier in my career.
Halloween is starting to emerge all around me now – they take it very seriously in Vancouver – but its not the Halloween I grew up with. Tomorrow, I’ll go explore the local Halloween.. tonight, a quiet night in with Veronica, a nice warming drink, and some time to reflect and remember.